Sagu And Cigarettes

This off-topic pretentious post will try to reflect a few random conversations with Mentawaian tribal people over some sagu and cigarettes.

Indonesian language is not difficult and learning it is very rewarding as locals are extremely friendly. In other countries I couldn’t produce more than a few basic words and phrases: hello, numbers, thank you, how much?, that’s too expensive bitch!, where is the cheapest beer in town?, I swear she told me she was 18…

I don’t want to show off but here I am able to deal pretty well with small talk and even discuss about other topics such as Dostoevsky  literary existentialism  or asking how many chicken people have.

Please note that on the talks with the people below misunderstandings may have happened. Our Indonesian was quite limited and we learnt only a few words in Mentawaian. Some locals could barely speak Indonesian as well. Our guide was bilingual in Indonesian and Mentawain but his English was not that good.

Please note that for make any sense of this post you must read this one first.

To the point, here a few people’s stories:

First clan shaman

\when not busy doing shaman stuff he plays poker online to get some extra income to his clan. As well he is doing an online MBA and studying to become a broker. He has as well a business plan for the future development of his clan. He wants to start a sagu export company and with the profits expand the company and get more chicken and pigs. I will help with to build a website. If things work he would like to take his company to the stock market.

DSCN1907He showed me a few excel spreadsheets where he has the numbers for his ideas on an iPad he hides under his clothes.

Kid from the first clan

His dream is to become a magician. He is already learning animal hypnosis as you can see in the picture with his cock. I gave him some playing cards to learn some tricks. I have other plans for him.

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The three ladies

On the 60’s they moved to California as their dream was to become Hollywood actresses. As many other girls they failed and their destiny took separate paths.

One of them started working as a waitress and w years later would marry a truck driver who died 10 years on a crash. She was very depressed for a long time.

The 2nd one started working as a stripper and got addicted to heroine which she paid … well you know how. She end up living on the street.

The 3rd one joined a bunch of hippies and traveled America in a van enjoying the free sex and drugs pleasures. After a few years she got tired of that life and decided to look for her 2 friends. She rescued them and persuade both to go back to their home village together.

Then they realized that their happiness is being with their people eating sagu and smoking cigarettes … and boobs freedom!

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Mr Machete

He would like to get more job with trekkers in order to make some money and buy a bigger machete.

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Amatople (2nd clan shaman)

He loves music and parties. He is a very easy going guy. He is fed up of his bitchy wife and his 7 children always asking for stuff. He is tired of waking u early and going to hunt monkeys, chopping sagu trees, shamaning… He has an escape plan. He wants to sell one of his daughters (a very attractive 13 years old girl) to the 1st clan shaman, the businessman, for 3 pigs. Then he would give the swines as a present to the generator-music clan expecting they let him to stay there so every evening he can play his favorite artists: Celine Dion, Groove Armada, Ramnstein, Wilco…

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Julio (yes, me)

As Homer Simpson did already in one episode I’d like to conduct an experiment and corrupt the Island people.

First I would need to lecture the locals on my idea of democracy … or enforce it American style. It is based on Bender Rodriguez idea of improved democracy: one with casinos and prostitutes, actually, even better, without democracy.

On my plans I am counting with the people I mentioned above for my casino-bar-disco-brothel. The 1st clan shaman would be my partner. I will use his kid as a croupier. The 3 ladies would make decent topless waitresses. Mr Machete, the doorman and security guy. Amatople could be the DJ and PR. Finally I would need to hire a batak toba to produce tuak and grow some quality shrooms.

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Sealing the deal
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